Their Story Their Voice
Their Story Their Voice
Behind the Line: A phone sex workers journey
*** Content warning *** This episode contains sexual content.
In this episode of Their Story Their Voice I delved deep into the intriguing and often misunderstood world of phone sex work through the lived experience of Missy, a former phone sex worker from Australia who has written a book about her journey. Through this candid discussion we unravel the challenges and nuances that come with this line of work, highlighting Missy's unique perspective and the broader implications on society and the sex industry.
Please note transcription accuracy may vary.
Below are links to the materials mentioned in this episode:
https://www.amazon.com/Tales-Phone-Sex-Girl-Missy-ebook/dp/B0D4NJ4GNS
https://www.ag.gov.au/families-and-marriage/marriage/marriage-equality-australia
https://www.romance.io/authors/664c84f9a21e2f41c462438f/missy-xd/latest
https://sdsmtnovum.org/2021/09/08/the-oldest-profession-sex-work-through-the-lenses-of-history-feminism-and-sociology/
Music:
(Neffex - A year ago)
(Neffex - dont want to let myself go)
hi, hi, hi. Welcome to another episode of Their Story, Their Voice. I had the pleasure of speaking to Missy. I wanted to speak to someone who was in the sex industry in some capacity for quite a while now, so I felt so privileged to speak to her. And, bonus, Missy is also an author. because she has a book called Tales of a Phone Sex Girl and I'm going to give my honest opinion because I've read the book. I read it after I'd spoken to her and actually it's really funny. It is funny. Missy made me laugh. and that's a stretch because most people don't automatically make me feel comfortable and make me laugh, but Missy did. So please listen, please enjoy, and if you are listening and there's any bit inside you which is a bit judgy judgy, this isn't the episode for you. We're not here for judgy judgy, we're just here to Listen to someone's story, their experience from a non judgmental place of kindness and love. Thank you! Hi, Missy. How are you?
Missy:I'm good.
Adeola:So, would you mind telling me a bit about you, whatever you're happy sharing
Missy:so my name's Missy, and, I used to be a phone sex worker here in Australia and I was a phone sex worker from 2017 to 2020, and during that time I experienced a lot of, different, Types of callers that I never really expected would exist, out there in the world or in Australia, for that matter. So, yeah, it was a very, very, interesting time in my life when I was, being a phone sex girl.
Adeola:It's quite a different career path to have.
Missy:So I always wanted to be a phone sex girl, I think, from like, you know, from about the age of like 17 to like 19, I kind of had this, like, this real, drive to kind of be like, I'd see the ads on television. I'm like, what are you doing right now? You know, I'm all alone. Well, those ads were still coming on right up until about 2017 Probably almost up until about maybe 2018, I think. And then they kind of stopped. So yeah, ads were on TV a lot. I was one of those kids that grew up on the internet, so I had a lot of distance friends. I had friends overseas. I had, Lots of guys that I would talk to and inevitably we'd end up having phone sex because you know like I'm 35, so we all had like our 3315s from, from the age of like 15 until, 17. We all had those types of phones and everybody would just talk on the phone all the time. So it was kind of just a natural kind of thing for me. And a lot of guys would say, wow, you're really good at this. Like maybe you could be like one of those phone sex girls, you know? And I always thought like, oh, that's like so scandalous. And so I was 19 when I had a real, proper interest in it. And I decided, I would sign up for a trial. And then something happened and I chickened out and also like my grandfather got sick. So I was kind of like, I told them, you know, can I reschedule this trial? And they were like, Oh, No, you can't, like, if this is going to be an ongoing thing, then we don't want to have you. And the woman was really rude to me and, you know, I was 19, so I was kind of like, okay, I guess that's not for me then, you know, if they're going to be this strict. And then I always wondered about it, you know, and so, from that point onwards, from the age of 19 until I was, you know, 28, I just always wondered about it. I always wondered, you know, what it would be like. And it just kind of ate at me and ate at me. And then after a breakup, in 2016, it came to around, early 2017, I was like, you know what, like, I really think he started thinking about doing it and I had a new boyfriend and, I said to him, I want to do it. And he was like, that sounds amazing. You should do it. You know, like you'll make, you'll make good money. And then I looked into it and saw the trial and I was like, you know what? Like, I'm just going to, I'm going to do it. I'm going to finally do it. I always wanted to. And so I did and did the trial and the trial went really well. And, they were really impressed with me and my call average.
Adeola:Okay. So you wanted to do this from quite a young age. Did you ever speak to anyone, like your parents about it. What was their response to you saying, that's what I want to do as a career?
Missy:Well, I mean, I had another career. I still have another career now. I'm a scientist, like a medical scientist. At that stage, I was doing my master's. I needed extra money. I was surprised at my parents reaction to it. Because at the age of 19, I thought, Oh, my parents would never approve of that, but it turns out, they always have been supportive. And so I guess like they were just as supportive with this. They were very supportive. In fact, I have a sister that I'm estranged from. She's about 10 years older than me. She sort of tried to sabotage the relationship between my parents and she told them, and I guess she expected a totally different outcome, but my parents were very happy about that. Oh, she's got a new job. This is amazing. You know, Dad was so supportive and they said, is there anything that you need for it? And I was like, yeah, actually, I'd like a landline and I really need a headset because my ears are getting sore from these little earplugs that I've got in my ears all the time. And dad was like, done. And he took me to buy the landline and the headset. So. Yeah, it was, they were just incredibly supportive and they're so proud now that I wrote a book about it.
Adeola:Your parents are amazing and actually I'm glad that you mentioned you were studying your master's because. I, you may disagree with me, I feel like there's this misconception out there that people who go into that work are stupid, like they can't do anything else. And no, that's not actually the case. I am glad that you mentioned that because I, I just feel like that's important for people to know.
Missy:So yeah, this was a fun and invigorating time in my life. I had, supportive friends, supportive family. My partner was incredibly supportive. You know, I'd go off into the bedroom and this is before I was a mum, so it was obviously a lot easier. I'd go off into the bedroom, at about three o'clock, especially on the weekends, and work until sometimes three o'clock in the morning. I'd have people there. breaks and stuff in between, but, very, very supportive. My partner was always happy for me to do it and I was making good money. Obviously I prioritized my career in science. I kind of did the calls as often as I could and I would do it in blocks. So I might have a couple of days where I just do calls, try and do several hours. It was just that there is a lot of misconceptions out there, but I think, in terms of, being a sex worker and, I obviously I don't know the whole aspect of sex work. I can only speak from this perspective You have to be very, very quick and think on your feet. You have to be very innovative. You have to be very creative and you have to be able to know exactly what to say in the moment and you've got to keep them on the line as well. It's a juggling act it's acting and it's improvising and it's definitely improv acting. And I think that was probably the most invigorating part of it. Like I really enjoyed. How I could just be Missy, this totally different person and, you know, to anyone, but also be a different person to every different call, get them to, live and breathe the experience of what they wanted and me being, the catalyst for that and me being the one that was able to provide that for them.
Adeola:Before you actually got the job. The initial stage of the training. What does the training involve?
Missy:Absolutely nothing. So what they do is, and this is purely, you can see it would be by design, but basically it's sink or swim. What they want you to do is they want you to get into the trial. If you can handle the smut, if you can handle the filth, if you can handle the degeneracy, if you can handle what's being thrown at you with grace and you can act like you like it and you can be like, Oh, that is so sexy, baby. I love that. Oh, that's so hot. I love that so much. You know, like all that kind of stuff. If you can handle all of that, yeah. then that's what they want. They're not after some kind of scripted that they, they, this is stuff you just can't be trained to do. I mean, I suppose you could in like a very narrow context, but by and large, like you just need to have that type of eclectic personality to be able to move through and speak to those different people and, and, you know, put on those many different hats
Adeola:okay. So you're not given a script. Did you know anyone else who was also doing the same job or it was that anyone else who, struggled? Because I asked about training. I wonder if there, should there be some type of, support available for people
Missy:there should be. I think there are different servers. So this was, there's, there's only like a handful of servers in Australia that were doing it at the time. I believe one of them's probably ended up dying now since the line, the 1 900 numbers are cut, which I can get to, you know, we can talk about that in a second. Yeah, so I'm sure that there was people that needed to be trained, you know, Just having you being thrown in the deep end, I think it would have been good to have known, what I was in for. I had already kind of been exposed to that part, like the kink aspect of, pornography and stuff like that. Like I had explored that a lot. I think, you know, just became curious with it after the end of the relationship and also like, you know, just having a lot of. different kind of men that I dated in between meeting my partner. So I kind of had a, a better view about all of that. So I was a bit more prepared. I don't think I would have been as prepared when I was 19. So, yeah, I, I think that training should be provided, but, it is also something you just, you can't teach. Like, definitely should be provided to prepare, but yeah, it's a tough one. You don't really know how somebody is going to be, but you've really got to have a thick skin. It's got to be water off a duck's back. You've just got to accept that there are men out there that are going to call up and they're going to want to talk about, you know, Scat and stuff like that. And like, I didn't talk about it. That was my hard line, but just being even exposed to that reality, that there are men out there that want to, and that some men will call and will just tell you that they're wearing, a nappy or something. And it's very confronting, but yeah, you've just got to have that water of a duck's back, not my problem kind of thing, basically.
Adeola:All I keep thinking is, okay, but not everyone was the same as you. So you would have had some people if they had wanted emotional support or guidance, they didn't have anywhere to go. I feel like they should have been given that.
Missy:Oh, absolutely. I think the thing is here is that if they couldn't cut it, then they wouldn't be able to do it in the industry. I mean, I don't necessarily agree with that. I believe that if somebody wants to do something like that, they should be training. Certainly if I was the one that was running a phone sex operation or like a company, I would be offering training and I would be explaining, you know, this is what you need to do. because it's part of how you make money for the company as well. You know, the more callers that you get, the longer you can keep them on the line, the more money that the company is going to make as well. And certainly they were taking a huge cut of it. I would message the, upper management and I would say things like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do in these situations. You know, when they start talking about criminal activity, there was just nothing. It wasn't a system that I agreed with, but I just thrived in it anyway. But I think, the way it was designed was not, helpful. It certainly wasn't something that, you know, if anyone wanted to do it, then, but at the same time I can almost kind of understand, sex work is what it is. And if you can't, not everybody can do it. And that's why, you know, through the ages there's always been, it might be one of the oldest professions, but you don't always have all women who have, you know, being good at it. It's definitely a personality thing
Adeola:How much of a cut did the upper management actually get? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to
Missy:Oh, no, no. I do because it wasn't enough for me. I didn't get enough. They got most of it. We weren't given the information. I think you really would only know when you were calling, but I know from, you know, research and stuff, I knew they were getting about, it was about 5 dollars a minute, and then 10 a minute, if they were calling and picking up their landline at home, so it was more expensive that way, but it was more anonymous and so, yeah, I was getting about 85 cents a minute. And that was the top rate, and that was if they selected me, specifically, and then I got a bonus, you know, like 10 cents. The standard rate was 75 cents. No, hang on. It changed. So yeah, the standard rate was about 75 cents. If you're on your mobile, they took a cut. So they even took like 15 cents away from you if they wanted to divert the call to the mobile. So yeah, it wasn't enough. And then in the end, when they cut the 1 900 numbers. So our main company Telstra, they just did it. Like, this is just classic capitalism, and I'm very anti capitalism, and this is classic capitalism. They just cut the 1 900 numbers, and then, they just said, you know, this is what's happening. We're gonna get less callers, for a while. We're expecting that it won't be this bad. All these, you know, the nonsense things that capitalist companies and people at the top say, and, once the lines were cut, the maximum amount of money I could earn was 65 cents a minute and the minimum was 45. I didn't think it was worth 45 cents a minute to talk to someone about how they wanted me to wet my pants or they wanted to urinate on me. So that's why I left.
Adeola:I'm not actually surprised. I'm not shocked or surprised at how little you were getting paid. And you said, you said something, you said, sex workers have been, they are one of the oldest professions that have been around since the beginning of time. Yeah, prostitution, yeah. And I will never understand why they wouldn't be paid, why they are undervalued. Yes, because I'm very much a believer of, it's your body, it's your voice, however much you want to earn from that, that money should just be yours and no one else's.
Missy:We have a system called like, you know, we have a, you have an Australian registered business number, so you're a contractor. And so that's how, like, the government was it back, I think it might've been nearly 20 years ago now. They, when they brought in the, I think it might have been, I don't know, something around the, I'm not very good with economic history and stuff like that, but I do know that, what happened was there was a lot of laws changed, when we had our liberal government in, and they changed the laws so that you had contractors and basically, The contractors are kind of like free floating. And so that's what I was. I was a contractor, which meant that I had no rights, to sick leave and stuff like that, and I had to pay my own tax. It was like, I was my own business, but also connected to this other place, that was kind of how it worked. And so I suppose they could really charge, whatever people are willing to do. I bet there's still girls out there today that are doing it in Australia, and they are getting paid 65 cents a minute as a maximum. They don't know any different because they never experienced it during what I would call the. the golden era, which was before the phone, the 1 900 lines.
Adeola:The golden era.
Missy:Yeah. I mean, like before the 1 900 numbers, you actually, there was way more calls. There was strict anonymity as well. The girls today who were doing it, unless the companies have stepped up and I've looked and they've tightened their trial. So now I think the trial is now an hour. Or maybe you know, they say something like you have to accrue a certain amount of talk time. And I looked at that and I thought, my God, that is actually quite difficult, especially for someone who's doing a trial. So I would say they might have kept the girls that they had at the time. I'll be honest. And if anybody ever in Australia, you know, from the top ever, ever hears this, I could have enriched the company, with my skills because, I could have helped them. I could have helped with training. I could have helped them branch out more, become more, you know, they weren't interested in that though. They weren't interested in that sort of stuff. I contacted management, you know, because I've got really good skills with statistics and, I could work out, you know, When I had sort of this kind of, my memory is very, very like a very like scientific kind of memory. So I kind of constantly collecting data and yeah, I approached management, never got a response from them. And it was just sort of like a big kind of, fuck you, that's basically why I left.
Adeola:Speaking to you, I get the impression that actually you enjoyed the job. What did you enjoy about the job and what did you not enjoy? What were the positives and the negatives?
Missy:Let's start with what I didn't enjoy. So what I didn't enjoy was the criminal, the aspect of it. So the way you would get criminals and you would get psychopaths, who would want to do, you know, who would want to perform criminal activity.
Adeola:You made a really good point, which I never would have thought about asking you. Sorry, were the people who were calling not vetted? Was there no one vetting them?
Missy:No one was vetting them, and I think I know the reason why. It's because you just never know whether they're telling the truth or not. Some men would actually call up and might say something about something criminal. I might say something, you know, like, I don't even like saying the word because I don't even, I think everybody knows what I'm talking about. We all know what I'm saying, what I'm, what I'm talking about. So when they did call up and when they wanted things that were just. more than abhorrent, just absolutely horrific. You don't actually know if what they're telling you, what they're saying is actually something that they would actually do, whether it's purely just a fantasy in the sense that they're purely just telling you for shock value and that is what, like, they're telling you anything that they possibly can because they get off at the idea that they don't know that the call, like, they don't know that the girl on the other end they don't know if they're serious or not. And believe it or not, that shock value is a very common kind of fetish to just say something really disgusting that they would never do and that like they're not even connected to at all. And that's to get the reaction. like, some of them might actually be calling just because they love being hung up on, like, I'm so bad, or I'm saying such bad things. And this could stem from the fact that they get off on the fact that they are a criminal, or it could simply be stemming from the fact that they have severe, psychological, issues like severe, OCD severe, intrusive thoughts, or they might have schizophrenia. Who knows? And I did get callers that, were delusional and they thought that they were something that they weren't, you know, and so you just, you don't know. And I think that's how a company in terms of capitalism could get around that, well, we don't know whether these people are telling the truth or not. And so that would have been the line, you know, this is just a fantasy. Everything's just a fantasy. Whereas if you go to other countries such as the U. S. they do vet and they're not allowed to talk about that and there's there's serious ramifications for that. So I've spoken since bringing out my book and since rejoining the community, you know, after five years, and actually meeting for the first time I met a foreign sex worker, like I haven't met one in person, but, the first time I met and spoke to one was only about maybe six, seven months ago. and I was like, wow, I've never spoken to another one. So, and I now talk to one regularly and she's in the US and she, she says, yeah, they don't allow water sports. They don't allow any, any talk of body fluids. They don't allow anything to do with illegal activity. And I just thought that, you know, that's, well, that's good. I mean, it's a bit, you know, I mean, there's nothing wrong with talking about water sports. You know, There's nothing wrong with golden showers and talking about that. But, yeah, that's just, I don't, I can't really answer the question. I don't know. I didn't agree with it. I personally just, I would take them for a ride, annoy them, make them hang up. but not give them what they want. So do like the equivalent of like what you would call, like, you know how they say, like, is it gray rocking? I don't know. Is it, is that what they say? Like when you, you go no contact, but sort of similar kind of thing. I think it's gray rocking.
Adeola:It's tactic people may use to deal with abusive or manipulative behavior.
Missy:Yes. Yeah. So that's what I did. And so if they called up and they wanted to talk about criminal activity, I would start, I might say something disgusting back to them. So I might, I might talk about something I know they don't want me to talk about. So I would start, I would be obtuse. I would be like really, really annoying, or I would just stop talking for a moment. Then I would talk and I would kind of go, sorry, can't hear you. And then like talk over top of them and then they would hang up and then I wouldn't lose any call time. And as long as I wasn't hanging up on them, management was happy and I was happy because I felt like I was doing a service to the rest of society.
Adeola:I know there must have been, okay. I'm moving on from the negatives. Okay. Positives. Positives. So many positives.
Missy:Yeah, the positives are, the list is endless. I was able to provide, you know, a lot of men, some comfort in understanding that, you know, they're not gay, they're bisexual. And that was kind of, you know, very eye opening for a lot. I was able to, explore with them, the fetishes that they had that they didn't know that they told me things that they'd never told their wife before. And so the message here is, is that a lot of men, like I know men are different to women and this is just, you know, it's just a core factor. Our brains are wired differently. And so men have fetishes that women don't. They're more extreme or they want to talk about it more or that they want to explore it more. It's just, I think, I mean, they're not saying there's not women out there, but men by and large, they're more likely to call these lines. They want to talk about their fetishes and if they're, taboo fetishes, like, water sports and, you know, like that's the golden showers. And if they want to talk about, you know, like they might have different types of fetishes, like a feet and things like that. then they want to talk about that. And then just giving them that outlet to be able to talk about that. I felt I was giving that service to them. I felt like they felt more comfortable. They were able to say things that they never wanted to say. I had a lot of men that, you know, they just wanted to explore these things and they didn't know how. And I was able to be creative about it as well and keep them on the phone. And I think that. You know, while it's dishonest to call these services without your wife knowing, I would rather, trust me when I say to other women out there, wouldn't you rather your husband or your boyfriend call this service, speak to someone they have no idea who they are, it's completely anonymous, it's basically just interactive porn. And a lot of men would do that. And so I felt like I was helping a lot of men to kind of ground them and, you know, like even encouraging them to kind of have a conversation with their wife. Wouldn't you rather they have called, me rather than a physical sex worker or, you know, cheated with a physical person because I'm providing this outlet, like I'm nameless, don't have a name, I'm just missy, they're just calling a service so that's, wouldn't you rather that than them having a physical affair?
Adeola:It is still dishonest, but I just see it as because I'm trying this new thing where I'm about equality and I've realized that has to be equality for females and men and for everyone. I listening to you, I see it a bit more as, do you know what? It's an outlet. And again, just how sex work has been around since. the beginning of time, equally, so has men talking to females who may not be their wives, may not be their partners, about sex. Essentially, I don't feel like anyone should be denied what they deem as a safe space to talk about things that are intimate to them that might not be perceived so well by their other half. So I can't see that as a bad thing.
Missy:Why would you want to die? having never spoken about something that like is your fetish, is something that you like and you don't ever get, and that would be invigorating for you in the bedroom and that, you know, to, never experience that, to never even talk about it and to, to go with that big secret with the person that you're intimate with, you know, like that, that your person that you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with and to, for them to not know, like, I'm not saying that, you know, the wife or the girlfriend ever has to do that with the person. You know, if there's a guy who, I hate saying something, there's a Cleveland Steve or a Cleveland steamer or something, that doesn't mean that the wife or the girlfriend wants to play this out. But just knowing that about your partner, you have to kind of ask the question, like I've been with this person for 20 years and they've had this secret with me, or I've been with this person for 10 years or however long, you know, I still love this person. You just kind of accept like, okay, they have this fetish. Is it hurting anyone? Does that make them a bad person? Should I leave them? You know, and I think a lot of women do do that. They leave their partner when they find out that they have a fetish and they say, Oh, it's perverted. And I mean, it's just, it's just not, it's not fair to those people when those men, come out to their partner and, they tell them these things. They don't have to participate, but just letting them have that outlet. And we only live once for God's sake. Like if they need this in some way, shape or form, then let them explore it. Life is about compromise. Relationships are about compromise. And sometimes stuff you do in the bedroom is about compromise.
Adeola:I do actually agree with you. What has happened to the companies, such as the ones you used to work for, because now you have. OnlyFans, for example, You can actually just have an account and the money comes to you and you get paid a lot of money.
Missy:Well, yes I would. I mean, obviously they'd lost a lot of business with the one 900 numbers. That's what really killed the phone sex industry in Australia. And then of course, you know, once that happened, then OnlyFans came to the view. And you know, if you're a bit of a conspiracy theorist, you can kind of say, oh, that's interesting. you can kind of see there's the rise of the OnlyFans, there's a rise of all this online content, and then you can see, oh, now they've just kind of, we don't need that avenue anymore, so they cut the lines. So yeah, that was absolutely, those lines were basically for, two purposes, and it was those phone up psychics, we had also the clock and it was for hotlines, you know, so it was for this phone sex and that's basically the biggest industry that was part of the 1 900 numbers was phone sex. And so once that was cut, I have a feeling that they probably really struggle now. And, especially because of OnlyFans because now we're in that age where porn has to be, you know, like anything like that, like any kind of sex work has to be, you know, have to show your face, which is exhausting and I just, that's not something I could do. I'm all about improvisation. I think there are still a lot of people out there that miss the phone sex and they miss being able to pick up their landline and call. And I feel deeply for them because that might've been their only outlet, you know, just like picking up the phone and calling, you know, because they can't do that now. Now it's not anonymous and I feel sorry for them some people want audio. I'm an audio person. I really, really enjoy being in that audio world and hearing it it's just something that's missing for these people. And if they're out there and they're hearing it and, you know, this ain't something happened to them. And they, I don't know what happened in the uk, but I would assume that hotline probably will be faded out if they haven't already. And yeah, like I feel for those people. And if that's going to happen to you or if that did happen to you, then I'm so sorry because I know that, those sorts of outlets are important. It's almost like taking down Pornhub. or something, you know, like taking out, taking down those outlets. No,
Adeola:I can't ever see that happening. I would be so surprised if pornhub got taken down.
Missy:If that happened, I think there'd be anarchy. I think that if, there's no such thing as internet porn, there will be absolute anarchy. There absolutely would be. Men rely on those platforms so much more than I think anyone cares to think about or admit or even wants to know.
Adeola:What did men used to do, and females, before Pornhub was a thing? What Pornhub is today, I don't actually even know how long Pornhub's been around for.
Missy:Phone sex lines. They were the biggest outlet. The phone was huge. you know, and obviously porn on, videotapes and DVDs. That's what they did. And then you could go and rent DVDs and videotapes at video stores. They had a back room, an 18 plus back room, and you could do that, or you could go to, erotic stores and things like that. So yeah, that's what they did. But phone sex lines were, they were booming in the eighties and the nineties in the early two thousands before, streaming platforms did, you know, they stre porn was streamed. Absolutely. Oh, and illegal porn downloads was a thing as well. Um, the numbers on the back of the magazines.
Adeola:I don't know about in Australia, but I know in the UK, when we had phone boxes, we used to go into the phone boxes and you'd have all these cards in the phone box. do you still have them?
Missy:We do telstra has, yes. Telstra had this bid to like, you know, because they've made so many, oh, they're just a terrible company. They've gouged so much money outta people. They have just exploited people to the end of the earth in this country. And so they've always had, is always problems, but they have the one thing that they've done and I guess that's probably, that'll be their legacy. is there are phone boxes everywhere all over Australia and you can, you can find them and they're, they're not as, nowhere near as numerous but you can pick up a phone line, a phone box and call anyone anywhere in Australia for free. So if I wanted to call my family in Perth, I can pick up the box and it'll let me call.
Adeola:I do like that. I like that.
Missy:See, that's how they get you, those companies. You guys are thinking, Oh, that is such a nice thing. But in reality, they're greedy. They're greedy fat cats at the top, just taking all of our money.
Adeola:I'm going to be honest, it did. That's very good, very good marketing I need to ask you about your book because Yes. Your book tells of a phone sex girl. What inspired you to decide to write it, and how did you even have the capacity to remember the calls in such detail?
Missy:So I have a very unique memory. I have a very good audio memory and a very good visual memory. For some reason I can't remember names and dates, so I can't prove to people, but obviously like, I have a very good, yeah, it's very unusual. I can kind of take myself back. I use mnemonics and different visual kind of cues, photographs I might have taken on dates and times and whatever that I can go through, I know what season something happens. So I can roughly know, I can go back and just like, it's like my memory kind of works a bit like turning the pages of a book, like a file system. I can just go back there and just think about it and remember what happened. I'm often the people always like, wow, how do you remember that? I'm like, I don't know. It's just me. But yeah, so I was just able to kind of go back through the files in my mind, go back to each of the calls and, remembered how it went and my thought processes, because I think, especially though the particular calls that I've put in that book. my thought processes kind of never left me because they were just such unique moments in time for me and they are just, they were also so funny. So they're attached to a very happy kind of like a dopamine rush and like, you know, a very happy kind of memory because it's so funny, just so funny or in some respects, funny, but also like, so, yuck and just yucky, you know, so that's kind of, you know, I remember this. And so I was able to do that and I thought, you know, I've, I've always wanted to tell my story, but I just, I didn't, I didn't have the courage. I just thought I'm so terrified, but someone's going to find out, you know, I thought like, surely I can do this. Like I'm going to make another account and I'm going to start. And I didn't know that the way that I wrote it was so funny. And then like, I, it's news to me, like, I didn't know I was funny, so, apparently, you know, like, it, we found it really amusing, and so I wrote one story for a small, I'm gonna shout out to a small, Facebook group, called Thrillhouse Simpsons Meme Supergroup, and I started writing just short stories there, you know, anonymously. And they loved them. And I was like, Oh my God, I didn't know this about myself. And so then I just kept writing them. And then they were responding like, this is amazing. You should write a book. And so I had so much pressure. They were basically just like, you should do it. So I always wanted to do it. And I just thought, okay, I'll do it. And I did, and it didn't take me too long, I'm quite a skilled writer as it is, because I've already published, several, peer review articles in science. So I just thought, okay, I'll just do this. And yeah, I decided that's it. I want my story to be told and I want to tell it from their side, what happened in the calls, exactly how they happened. So that everyone kind of real, gets a real sense of just what phone sex is like, not what they think it's like. Like, it's not this sexy woman sprawled out on her bed. You know, what are you doing today? You know, I'm ready to chat. You know, it's not like that. It's a crazy neurotic woman with her hair everywhere, wearing an oversized t shirt or like, messy pyjamas and has maybe might have food stains or whatever it's wearing big baggy underwear and just you know laying on their bed and just improvising they're not even aroused like well in my case i wasn't aroused at all it was just improvising it was all acting and that's you know that's what i wanted to bring through with the book. I wanted to be able to show people that this is what it's really like. And that was my goal because I've heard a lot of misconception. I just went, you know what, I'm tired of hearing people talk about this. And I also saw a lot of sex workers in general write books. And I thought, why can't I do that? I want to do that. So I did it.
Adeola:Okay. I love that you did it. And I completely agree because I do feel like anyone who's linked to or has ever been linked to the adult industry, there's just this negative perception of them. And the only way to change that is for people who've worked in that industry to actually speak out about it. How do you change it? it has to change from the inside and you were on the inside.
Missy:How do you change people's perception? I wanted to show also like my prejudice too. you know, like through the calls, like the prejudice, kind of like my thought processes, they're not, they're not necessarily that, that was what they were. And, you know, they change as, as the book progresses, but like those, like, you know, my, my opinion of this person and my first opinion, those kinds of things, like that, that's all real. And you know, they change as, as the book progresses, but like those, like, you know, my, opinion of this person and my first opinion, those kinds of things, like that, that's all real. That's how I was feeling. And that is how you would respond because. if you're in that moment and you, you know, like, that's how you would, especially with the less experience or, you know, or if you're talking to a jerk, like, that's how your brain responds. And so it's very raw and real. And I just, I like that aspect to be able to. bring that across. It's not sexy and some of the books that I've read on phone sex are very, very like butterfly and like, you know, like feathering their nest kind of books that are like, I was always horny or I had to edge all the time and like they just kind of tell a story that you just, you just go, You were not like that all the time.
Adeola:I like that. I love that. I love it for you. I love that you put your story out there for people listening. Missy's book is available on Amazon. I will put the link in the show notes, but it's Kindle, which you can obviously have on your phone. As I realized earlier, when I speak to Missy, you don't just need to Kindle. One more thing, are you thinking of doing a sequel? Will there be another book or not really? Just the one.
Missy:it would be different because I think it would be more about the more human aspect. And so actually going into, the callers that I spoke to that I kind of had to be a psychologist for. And they weren't anywhere near as numerous as the ones that I have in my book. But there were definitely aspects that I would like to explore. And of course that really important one about, the biphobia is, it really kind of got to me as well because I just thought being bisexual myself and having that in my face like them just kind of, am I gay? Like, and I'd be like, no, you're not gay. And so sharing those stories and having so many, like that was something that was increased so much during, the marriage equality vote in Australia. I got so many calls. and a flood of them about men just, am I gay? I think it was November 15. That was when the Marriage Equality Act was finally, so that was when, gays and lesbians and bisexuals, could legally marry their spouse. So that came into effect in Australia. And it was very controversial the way that they came about, because the government spent millions of dollars instead of running a proper election. it wasn't a proper election. It was basically like a postal thing. Like, I can't remember the name of it, I think I made a difference for some men in helping them to discover their sexuality and that you don't have to be gay and you don't have to be straight. You can be bi
Adeola:do you know what? I'm glad you said that. I'm glad that you made the point of you have actually helped people having that job. You did help people.
Missy:And maybe that's what the next book will be about.
Adeola:Before I go, I want to say thank you so so much for coming on. Thank you.
Missy:Thank you for having me.
Adeola:Thank you for listening to another episode of Their Story, Their Voice. I will be back, not next week, the week after, on a Tuesday. I'm really trying my best here to be consistent whilst being kind to myself and to others. So, I will leave it at that. Hopefully, I will be speaking to you soon. Or less me, a guest will be speaking soon. And in the meantime, please be kind to yourself and be kind to others. Bye!
